Been spending most their lives, living in a Blazer’s paradise

soul blazer

Soul Blazer (1994)

Picture the scene: it’s a lovely summer’s evening and you’re having your usual merry walk or Sunday drive. But hold up – something’s spoiling the beautiful view. Yes, it’s worse than those roadworks that never, ever seem to get finished.

They’re more unsightly than those rent-a-scrote apartment blocks that were planned, designed and vomited into your town’s landscape in a mere two weeks. And they’re even more abundant than the seven hundred road signs contradicting your driving every five seconds. Yes, it’s the dreaded election posters, and that means there’s change abrewing in the government.

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A reading from the book of Quintet, on the creation of heaven and earth

terranigma logo

Terranigma (1996)

I’ve decided to stir up a bit of controversy this time, so I’d like to talk to you about going to church. I’d be lying if I said I have a season ticket to the church these days. After all, just like a football season ticket, it’ll cost you a ruddy fortune – that collection basket gets handed around twice during a mass, sometimes thrice if it’s a particularly juicy service and a load of people died the previous weekend.

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When I find a chav paradise I like, I stick with it

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Dragon Quest III: The Seeds of Salvation (1992)

People often talk about what’s in their bucket list, this bucket presumably being the one that we’ll all eventually kick. Top of most peoples’ lists is ‘travelling around the world’, which I find extraordinary. I’m a miserable old sod as you well know, but this travel the world thing was never for me. To be honest, with the exception of Japan, New York and maybe Vegas for a laugh, I’ve done just about all the places I wanted to. Australia, where I have to wrestle with spiders? China, where God knows what’ll happen next? African safari, where I might get eaten by lions, or far more embarrassingly, giraffes? No no, that ain’t for me.

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