Stuck in a dead-end job? Don’t feel bad, you could be developing ports of Kid Icarus

 

kid icarus

Kid Icarus (1987)

Look, we’re all man or woman enough to admit it: when we were daydreamers, back in idyllic times and long before any ambition or aspirations we may have had were crushed beneath the indiscriminate gold-tasseled boot of the bourgeoisie, we wanted to make our own games. It seemed like it’d be the best gig ever, the absolute dream job. Our wish to be the one to actually create Super Mario Bros. 9 and soak up all the plaudits was a wish that took real pride of place in our list of unlikely careers, alongside astronaut… rock star… Hollywood actor or actress… or in my own tragic case, hand-model with some fast-food tasting on the side for extra shekels.

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 1)

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 1)

Feature, 15/09/14

They say you shouldn’t believe in tiers in the Smash Bros games, but let’s face it – they exist. Why else would Fox be the person you turn to on Final Destination, with not a single item to be seen? If you haven’t a clue what I’m talking about, then you’re obviously not up on your Smash Bros. And I wouldn’t blame you, because it’s some pretty competitive, in-depth stuff, and all of that frightens me. It really does! I’m not at all interested in how well Dankey Kang does against Metal Knight on the Pokeymon Stadium level or how good Charmanderzard is at fighting against Browser – none of that means much to me.

I’d much prefer to rate the characters in more practical terms, by assessing how they’d do in a real fight. In particular: how would they do in the classic throwdown that is the pub brawl? You know the ones I mean: a few comments have been taken exception to, a couple of punches are thrown, glasses start to fly and there’s Begbie steaming in early doors.

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