Super Smash Bros Ultimate (2018)
It’s quite the event on the social calendar, you know, and I take great pride in organising it every year, or at least on the years when people can be bothered with it. It quickly becomes front-page news, with everyone talking about it, and I’m ashamed to say some lewd scenes and paparazzi photographs have made it to the back pages on occasion.
Everyone is welcome, but if you haven’t got the stamina for it then you’ll find yourself left behind in an instant. Make it to the end though, and you can take great pride in the fact that there are not many who’ve achieved what you just have. I’m talking, of course, about the 12 Pubs of Christmas.
Continue reading “Pubmaster Burkey does his best to ensure everyone is here”
Super Smash Bros. Melee (2002)
You may not believe it, but the website is dead. That’s what all of us top tech bods are saying. Not just that, but mobile apps are dead too. The cinema is dead. Buying music, that’s dead. Pubs are dead. And as for using your voice to talk to people – that’s well into rigor mortis.
I don’t personally believe any of this, of course, but it’s sweeping statements like these that grab attention in marketing headlines, and they might just fool some gullible CEOs into dropping money on unproven new technology. Well, whatever about all that, it is my sad duty to inform you that the ever-popular GameCube game, Super Smash Bros Melee, is also dead.
Continue reading “Saunter in, beat the pros, grab the cash and wavedash outta there”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 9)
We’re knee-deep in Smash Bros Ultimate now, and not a Waluigi in sight. Well, he’s still there as an Assist Trophy, ten years on. You can beat up the Assist Trophies in this particular game, and it’s probably a good thing too because some of them are mighty overpowered and downright annoying – just ask anyone who’s gone up against the Sheriff. As for the fighters themselves, Part 9 of our Pub hubbub here sees some of the wildest additions to the series possible, including Ridley finally making his debut. Not forgetting King K. Rool into the bargain as well. But what about the classic farmer from Harvest Moon, Pete. Where’s he?
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 9)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 8)
At long last, we’ve gotten to the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate portion of the Pub Fight Tier List. Well, when they said “Everyone is here”, they weren’t jesting. Although perhaps they were, because Waluigi has already become an infamous omission, Bomberman is in merely as an Assist Trophy, Rayman relegated to the life of a Spirit. And there’s still no sign of the dancing shopkeepers from Secret of Mana, unless the DLC brings good news. You have to wonder just what kind of a brain-drain has happened in the Nintendo and Sora Creative Departments.
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 8)”
Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS and Wii U (2014)
I’m always having to refute toilet graffiti, random WhatsApp messages and shouted street insults about me being some sort of Nintendo fanboy. But even I couldn’t help but delightfully squee like a constipated swine when Nintendo brought out an interesting new fighter for the Nintendo 64, featuring Nintendo characters, stages and items, all wrapped up into one veritable hit-parade of Japaneseness. A surprise birthday present from Nintendo to me, that’s what my old friend Shigsy told me via fax at the time.
Continue reading “Sakurai may have 100,000 demands, but all I ever needed was the Duck Hunt dog”
The SNES was strong on so many fronts: side-scrolling platformers, puzzle games, tournament fighters, action-adventures… of course, if you lived in Europe you were deprived of all RPGs bar the more action-oriented ones. But otherwise SNES players around the world got the chance to play story-driven games like Chrono Trigger, Final Fantasy 4 and 6, Super Mario RPG, Lufia and Breath of Fire II. Here in the UK and Ireland we had Mortal Kombat and Super Tennis.
Continue reading “EarthBound is most famous for having a high price and several toilets”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 6)
The sixth part of our not-at-all hackneyed Super Smash Bros Pub Fight (or “Bar Rammy” or “Saloon Throwdown”) steers us away from the trip-happy, Meta Knight-laden Super Smash Bros. Brawl and tears us kicking and screaming into the world of Super Smash Bros 4… or should I say, for. As in, for Wii U and 3DS, you know? And even Villager and Mega Man couldn’t stop the Wii U from being a catastrophic failure, on par with the Minidisc format. But not to worry! You can read about their pub exploits in fine detail below:
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 6)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 5)
Everyone is here! So goes the tagline for the upcoming Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. So also went the text you got off the below fighters, telling you to hit the pub tonight or suffer a terrible fear of missing out. Unfortunately what they didn’t tell you is that everybody will be kung-fu fighting – or worse, swinging broken bottles at innocent folk like you. Are you a bad enough dude to get out alive? Warning – high, potentially fatal levels of Pokémon content.
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 5)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)
Our latest instalment in the now legendary Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List series brings us through to the newcomers from Smash Bros Brawl. The Wii title stands as the only game I’ve ever expressly imported to get it early, in this case from the US and with a nifty little absolutely-not-illegal device called the Freeloader disc. And to make me feel nice and old, Brawl released in the US just a little more than 10 years ago at the time of this piece being published. Makes me want to start a ridiculously contrived fight… Do enjoy!
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 3)
Apropos of absolutely nothing and demanded by nobody in particular, it’s the next eight entries in our Pub Fight Tier List, featuring more mice, more cats and more bishonen, whatever they are. There’s a few human beings in there as well, although when they have green skin or openly turn into male ninjas, you’re still going to get looks off the circling nutjobs…
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 3)”