Saunter in, beat the pros, grab the cash and wavedash outta there

smash bros melee

Super Smash Bros. Melee (2002)

You may not believe it, but the website is dead. That’s what all of us top tech bods are saying. Not just that, but mobile apps are dead too. The cinema is dead. Buying music, that’s dead. Pubs are dead. And as for using your voice to talk to people – that’s well into rigor mortis.

I don’t personally believe any of this, of course, but it’s sweeping statements like these that grab attention in marketing headlines, and they might just fool some gullible CEOs into dropping money on unproven new technology. Well, whatever about all that, it is my sad duty to inform you that the ever-popular GameCube game, Super Smash Bros Melee, is also dead.

Continue reading “Saunter in, beat the pros, grab the cash and wavedash outta there”

Sakurai may have 100,000 demands, but all I ever needed was the Duck Hunt dog

Super_Smash_Bros_4_Logo

Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS and Wii U (2014)

I’m always having to refute toilet graffiti, random WhatsApp messages and shouted street insults about me being some sort of Nintendo fanboy. But even I couldn’t help but delightfully squee like a constipated swine when Nintendo brought out an interesting new fighter for the Nintendo 64, featuring Nintendo characters, stages and items, all wrapped up into one veritable hit-parade of Japaneseness. A surprise birthday present from Nintendo to me, that’s what my old friend Shigsy told me via fax at the time.

Continue reading “Sakurai may have 100,000 demands, but all I ever needed was the Duck Hunt dog”

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 7)

ssb logo

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 7)

I’d certainly never want to risk incurring the wrath of the Smash Bros fanbase, as it may very well end in the forfeiture of my life and anything I hold dear. But when the creators are grabbing any old random frog Pokémon and putting them in the game, you start to wonder. After all, this is Part 7 and it doesn’t look like we’ve seen Kolorado from Paper Mario show up yet. So do you mean to tell me that each of the mugs found below are all considered better characters for fighting than a gentlemanly Koopa archaeologist and explorer? I simply won’t have it!

Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 7)”

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)

ssb logo

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)

Our latest instalment in the now legendary Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List series brings us through to the newcomers from Smash Bros Brawl. The Wii title stands as the only game I’ve ever expressly imported to get it early, in this case from the US and with a nifty little absolutely-not-illegal device called the Freeloader disc. And to make me feel nice and old, Brawl released in the US just a little more than 10 years ago at the time of this piece being published. Makes me want to start a ridiculously contrived fight… Do enjoy!

Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)”

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 3)

ssb logo

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 3)

Apropos of absolutely nothing and demanded by nobody in particular, it’s the next eight entries in our Pub Fight Tier List, featuring more mice, more cats and more bishonen, whatever they are. There’s a few human beings in there as well, although when they have green skin or openly turn into male ninjas, you’re still going to get looks off the circling nutjobs…

Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 3)”

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 2)

ssb logo

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 2)

I know all three of you have been eagerly awaiting the next eight answers to a question that absolutely nobody asked – how would all of the characters of the Super Smash Bros series help you out in that most dreadful of social situations, an almighty pub brawl? Probably most people would freak out and leave immediately if they saw you roll into the place with a giant penguin, or a green-skinned evil man, or a Yoshi, but for the sake of argument, here they are.

Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 2)”