Pubmaster Burkey does his best to ensure everyone is here

Super Smash Bros Ultimate

Super Smash Bros Ultimate (2018)

It’s quite the event on the social calendar, you know, and I take great pride in organising it every year, or at least on the years when people can be bothered with it. It quickly becomes front-page news, with everyone talking about it, and I’m ashamed to say some lewd scenes and paparazzi photographs have made it to the back pages on occasion.

Everyone is welcome, but if you haven’t got the stamina for it then you’ll find yourself left behind in an instant. Make it to the end though, and you can take great pride in the fact that there are not many who’ve achieved what you just have. I’m talking, of course, about the 12 Pubs of Christmas.

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Never mind what they say – women love to Smash

Super Smash Bros. (1999)

My girlfriend recently asked me why men are always fighting, with more than a hint of melancholy in her eyes, a melancholy that suggested all of the nice things she’d heard about the world had come crashing down at the thought of male penchant for pugilism. I didn’t really have an answer for her, although I’m keen to point out that I do my best not to start the aggro. That’s probably for the best, since I have a win record of zero. 

It’s always great to watch a pagger erupting out on the street though, particularly when it’s chucking out time from the nightclubs. And even if you’re not there, there’s usually a tremendous series of videos to catch up on – fights, grappling, lunging tackles, roundhouse kicks, sirens, blue flashing lights, women screaming, the whole nine yards, and it’s properly compelling viewing.

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 7)

ssb logo

Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 7)

I’d certainly never want to risk incurring the wrath of the Smash Bros fanbase, as it may very well end in the forfeiture of my life and anything I hold dear. But when the creators are grabbing any old random frog Pokémon and putting them in the game, you start to wonder. After all, this is Part 7 and it doesn’t look like we’ve seen Kolorado from Paper Mario show up yet. So do you mean to tell me that each of the mugs found below are all considered better characters for fighting than a gentlemanly Koopa archaeologist and explorer? I simply won’t have it!

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