Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 11)
It’s been pretty emotional, and stressful to the body too, you know. I have to sit down and imagine what it would be like if I was relying on, say, Sonic the Hedgehog, to bail me out of a pub pagger. And if he can’t, I have to imagine what it’s like to get a clump in the head off the biggest, most boozed up nutter at the forefront of the aggro. To do this, I hit myself in the head as hard as I can while screaming for help from the Ice Climbers. You can call it method writing.
So you needn’t be too sad about these pieces coming to a conclusion, because it’s all a load of nonsense anyway and there probably isn’t a single character in Smash Bros Ultimate who sitting alongside won’t get you targeted and bullied, apart maybe from Snake. And one of these days, you never know, I may do a tier-list for every single Smash Bros song based on their suitability to a pub Spotify playlist. Would you read that…?
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 11)”
Super Smash Bros Ultimate (2018)
It’s quite the event on the social calendar, you know, and I take great pride in organising it every year, or at least on the years when people can be bothered with it. It quickly becomes front-page news, with everyone talking about it, and I’m ashamed to say some lewd scenes and paparazzi photographs have made it to the back pages on occasion.
Everyone is welcome, but if you haven’t got the stamina for it then you’ll find yourself left behind in an instant. Make it to the end though, and you can take great pride in the fact that there are not many who’ve achieved what you just have. I’m talking, of course, about the 12 Pubs of Christmas.
Continue reading “Pubmaster Burkey does his best to ensure everyone is here”
Super Smash Bros. (1999)
My girlfriend recently asked me why men are always fighting, with more than a hint of melancholy in her eyes, a melancholy that suggested all of the nice things she’d heard about the world had come crashing down at the thought of male penchant for pugilism. I didn’t really have an answer for her, although I’m keen to point out that I do my best not to start the aggro. That’s probably for the best, since I have a win record of zero.
It’s always great to watch a pagger erupting out on the street though, particularly when it’s chucking out time from the nightclubs. And even if you’re not there, there’s usually a tremendous series of videos to catch up on – fights, grappling, lunging tackles, roundhouse kicks, sirens, blue flashing lights, women screaming, the whole nine yards, and it’s properly compelling viewing.
Continue reading “Never mind what they say – women love to Smash”
Super Smash Bros. Brawl (2008)
Anyone who’s ever signed up to the rollercoaster of hype knows what they’re getting themselves in for. You’re wishing your life away, waiting for this next big game or film to come out. If you’re particularly masochistic, you might even be hyped up for your wedding day. When the release day is still months away, and when you’re in your quiet, unguarded moments, you’ll revert back to being a child and making yourself almost sick with how much you want this thing – this thing that, in time, will become passé. That is until the next shiny object gets teased and the cycle begins all over again.
Continue reading “The Smash Bros hype is such a trip sometimes”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 9)
We’re knee-deep in Smash Bros Ultimate now, and not a Waluigi in sight. Well, he’s still there as an Assist Trophy, ten years on. You can beat up the Assist Trophies in this particular game, and it’s probably a good thing too because some of them are mighty overpowered and downright annoying – just ask anyone who’s gone up against the Sheriff. As for the fighters themselves, Part 9 of our Pub hubbub here sees some of the wildest additions to the series possible, including Ridley finally making his debut. Not forgetting King K. Rool into the bargain as well. But what about the classic farmer from Harvest Moon, Pete. Where’s he?
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 9)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 8)
At long last, we’ve gotten to the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate portion of the Pub Fight Tier List. Well, when they said “Everyone is here”, they weren’t jesting. Although perhaps they were, because Waluigi has already become an infamous omission, Bomberman is in merely as an Assist Trophy, Rayman relegated to the life of a Spirit. And there’s still no sign of the dancing shopkeepers from Secret of Mana, unless the DLC brings good news. You have to wonder just what kind of a brain-drain has happened in the Nintendo and Sora Creative Departments.
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 8)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 7)
I’d certainly never want to risk incurring the wrath of the Smash Bros fanbase, as it may very well end in the forfeiture of my life and anything I hold dear. But when the creators are grabbing any old random frog Pokémon and putting them in the game, you start to wonder. After all, this is Part 7 and it doesn’t look like we’ve seen Kolorado from Paper Mario show up yet. So do you mean to tell me that each of the mugs found below are all considered better characters for fighting than a gentlemanly Koopa archaeologist and explorer? I simply won’t have it!
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 7)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 6)
The sixth part of our not-at-all hackneyed Super Smash Bros Pub Fight (or “Bar Rammy” or “Saloon Throwdown”) steers us away from the trip-happy, Meta Knight-laden Super Smash Bros. Brawl and tears us kicking and screaming into the world of Super Smash Bros 4… or should I say, for. As in, for Wii U and 3DS, you know? And even Villager and Mega Man couldn’t stop the Wii U from being a catastrophic failure, on par with the Minidisc format. But not to worry! You can read about their pub exploits in fine detail below:
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 6)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 5)
Everyone is here! So goes the tagline for the upcoming Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. So also went the text you got off the below fighters, telling you to hit the pub tonight or suffer a terrible fear of missing out. Unfortunately what they didn’t tell you is that everybody will be kung-fu fighting – or worse, swinging broken bottles at innocent folk like you. Are you a bad enough dude to get out alive? Warning – high, potentially fatal levels of Pokémon content.
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 5)”
Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)
Our latest instalment in the now legendary Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List series brings us through to the newcomers from Smash Bros Brawl. The Wii title stands as the only game I’ve ever expressly imported to get it early, in this case from the US and with a nifty little absolutely-not-illegal device called the Freeloader disc. And to make me feel nice and old, Brawl released in the US just a little more than 10 years ago at the time of this piece being published. Makes me want to start a ridiculously contrived fight… Do enjoy!
Continue reading “Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)”