A sword on the ground, a God in the clouds, a pox on the populace


ActRaiser (1993)

I’ve had manys a job in my time, you know. I’ve managed a theme park, briefly. I swear, you bring in thousands of children a week without getting a hint of recogition, but five or six go missing and suddenly the newspapers can’t get enough of it – not for me, thanks. I followed that up with a stint in town planning, but I had to knock that on the head as well.

Those citizens were driving me up the wall, going on about open sewers or something, and they kept opposing my plan for a downtown public incinerator. Once I began emblazoning my face on every billboard, poster and bus-stop I could find, and announced my intention to create a Ministry of Truth, the game was up.

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Been spending most their lives, living in a Blazer’s paradise

soul blazer

Soul Blazer (1994)

Picture the scene: it’s a lovely summer’s evening and you’re having your usual merry walk or Sunday drive. But hold up – something’s spoiling the beautiful view. Yes, it’s worse than those roadworks that never, ever seem to get finished.

They’re more unsightly than those rent-a-scrote apartment blocks that were planned, designed and vomited into your town’s landscape in a mere two weeks. And they’re even more abundant than the seven hundred road signs contradicting your driving every five seconds. Yes, it’s the dreaded election posters, and that means there’s change abrewing in the government.

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A reading from the book of Quintet, on the creation of heaven and earth

terranigma logo

Terranigma (1996)

I’ve decided to stir up a bit of controversy this time, so I’d like to talk to you about going to church. I’d be lying if I said I have a season ticket to the church these days. After all, just like a football season ticket, it’ll cost you a ruddy fortune – that collection basket gets handed around twice during a mass, sometimes thrice if it’s a particularly juicy service and a load of people died the previous weekend.

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Travel is a wonderful illusion, until you get to Egypt

illusion of time

Illusion of Time (1995)

How do you know when somebody’s gone to see some wondrous tourist landmark? They tell you about it immediately and without prompt. If not to your face, then by way of a dozen distinctly amateur social media photos per decrepit building. No sooner will somebody have been to the Eiffel Tower than they’ll have scored dozens of Likes and Favourites and Retweets or whatever else from a tap-in of a scene, a real freebie to photograph and make social media currency off. And no sooner have they visited the Grand Canyon than their dung-eating grins become twice as wide as the Canyon itself, while they self-indulgently regale you with facts that they made sure to Wiki beforehand.

Continue reading “Travel is a wonderful illusion, until you get to Egypt”