It was knee-high water that killed the Old West for good

 

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Red Dead Redemption (2010)

When a sequel is so good that its predecessor scarcely even warrants a mention, you usually know you’re on to a winner – it indicates that the first particular oeuvre was probably successful enough to warrant a sequel, but that this sequel is so good that it can stand alone and laugh mightily at any wouldbe challengers.

You’d hardly even know that The Silence of the Lambs was a sequel (both in film-form to Manhunter and in book format to Red Dragon). And what of Street Fighter 1? It exists, you know. But if this sudden revelation gives you an increasingly frothing desire to seek out and play that dirge, I can save you time by telling you simply not to bother. Just go and bounce your head off a massive subwoofer for a bit until all you can hear is nasty static and high-pitched squeals of terror – you’ll get the same effect as playing the original Street Fighter, more or less.

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What’s GoldenEye without Sean Bean?

 

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GoldenEye 007 (2010)

When it comes to making some fat stacks, it’s important for us little people to remember that in entertainment, there is simply no such thing as a sacred cow. Nothing is untouchable, above the remit of cynical executives bolting the latest faces in entertainment onto an old work and shipping it as a “continuity reboot” or a “spiritual sequel”.

I didn’t have my glasses on so I happily stand to be corrected, but they now apparently want to bring about a Ghostbusters 3 with an all-female cast. Obviously I’m highly sexist, but for the sake of this argument let’s assume I’m rational, tolerant and level-headed. What’s the easiest way to conceal the fact that none of the old actors wanted to touch this Ghostbusters 3 with a ten-foot barge pole? Do a complete turnabout on the cast and instead bring in actresses that won’t make viewers ask “what happened to the other guys?”

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Don’t tell me Rubens Barrichello is still turning up

 

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F1 2011 (2011)

It may perhaps have skipped your notice, but there’s a big football tournament going on at the moment known as the World Cup, although it doesn’t feature every team in the world and the trophy isn’t even classed as a cup (and to be classed as a cup, you’ve got to be able to drink champagne out of it).

You may hate this cavalcade of football, or soccer if you prefer, as much as all other sports, and you may find yourself annoyed that it’s been taking over popular culture and all of your news feeds. And you’ll doubtless be even more annoyed that you’re now beginning to actually learn of obnoxious players, soulless teams and shameful incidents through cultural osmosis. Right?

Continue reading “Don’t tell me Rubens Barrichello is still turning up”