Find Drowzee in the flats? You’ll get knocked drowsy instead

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Pokémon: Let’s Go, Pikachu! and Let’s Go, Eevee! (2018)

The year was 1999, and Pokémon did what the Catholic Church could no longer do – got an ecclesiastical grip on children up and down the country (wait a minute, let me edit that one). Even as toothless simpleton kids, we were able to get on with the fact that Pokémon weren’t real and they were never going to poof into existence. It was just a sad fact of life. Big shame though, not having Pokémon all around us. Didn’t matter that the world was already full of thousands of beautiful creatures of all kinds of different species, waiting for us to learn all about them, maybe even help save them from extinction. No no, we wanted them to breathe fire and shoot water cannons, and we each wanted six of our own.

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 6)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 6)

It’s the denouement of the Kanto leg of our quest for a world-beating Pokémon team. And get this – we’re getting so desperate at this stage that we’re looking at reviving fossils and lumping them all together into a Jurassic All-Star team. How desperate is that?! But it’s not all bad news – we’ve got all of the Legendaries of the Kanto region here, waiting for due inspection, and they’re bound to be quite powerful. It’s a bit of a scrub move to seriously use a Legendary in your team though, don’t you think? Well, be that as it may, if you didn’t put Mewtwo at the very top of your lineup back in the day, you were guaranteed trouble. You were just asking to be taken down to the basement, Pulp Fiction style, and left to wait there, bound and gagged, until the gimp came out. Mewtwo was the gimp, and frighteningly good at what he did.

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 5)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 5)

If you haven’t already put your best six Kanto hardnuts together, a team tough enough to take the region by storm and literally impress the knickers off Lorelei from the Elite Four, then you’re quickly running out of options. The below list of Pokémon awaiting judgment and possible selection for your team takes us through the eons, quite literally in fact. This week’s list features Magikarps, Magmars and mantises. And it’s book-ended by a mime and a… dodecahedron. Only in Pokémon.

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 4)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 4)

We’re through the looking-glass now. The original 151 Pokémon are considered iconic, but there’s a few monsters on here that you won’t have remembered until pointed out to you. Seaking, I’m talking about Seaking here. Maybe Seadra too, since it’s been overshadowed by its evolution. You couldn’t move for the Normal, Water and Poison types in Gen 1, you know. But if you wanted a Ghost or a Dragon type? A viable Bug type? A Rock type that could stand up to Water Gun? Stop fooling around. Continue reading “Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 4)”

Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 3)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 3)

We really ought to be frank here. I’m trying to weigh up all of these Generation 1 options for a Pokémon team, and provide you with six of the best. But two of those slots are always going to be taken up by Mewtwo and Charizard, aren’t they? They automatically rank as the coolest, and you’d risk dreadful social embarrassment if you left these two out. The other starters and the legendary birds will probably get first refusal after these guys as well. And rounding it off is Mew if you’ve got a bit of flair, Snorlax if you don’t, and Gengar is there to fill in any remaining gaps. Stacked up against all of these odds, an overlarge seal and a bunch of magnets aren’t really going to register, are they?

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 2)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 2)

In building the best Pokémon, several factors have to be considered. Actually, ‘several’ is a strong word. And so too is ‘practical’, or ‘sensible’. What really matters is if they can fly, if they can breathe fire, and if they look like they mean business. Obviously Charizard fits this mould beautifully, which is why everyone in the schoolyard would have packed 6 Charizards on their team if only they could get the Pokémon Cloning glitch right. Of course, Venusaur and Blastoise had plenty of merit as well – strong, hulking, elemental creatures, they speak for themselves. Unfortunately, we have gotten past these famous starter Pokémon and quickly gotten to the realm of diva foxes, goofy moths and three little turds sticking up out of the ground. Will any of the below list of recruits make a candidate for a strong Pokémon team? Read on…

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 1)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 1)

Nintendo are one fierce, unrelenting juggernaut of a corporation. And like all fierce unrelenting juggernauts that I know and have sometimes gotten romantically involved with, they love coin. And lots of it. Pokémon has been such a remarkable money-spinner for them, which may be the distressing reason why there are a gillion Pokémon games and only about 3 F-Zero games. Still, hardly fair is it?

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Don’t hate on Fortnite too much – all it ever did was make me feel a little bit old

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Pokémon Red/Blue/Yellow (1998)

Latest stats for the year reveal that Fortnite (Battle Royale) has been making hundreds of millions of dollars each month in revenue, for a total well in excess of one billion USD, with over 125 million total players. And I would conservatively estimate that it’s seen a total of two zillion game-hours total. The whole thing is a phenomenon, and even I tried it once. That’s right, I tried a modern and popular game, but I ought to quickly clarify that it was free.

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