Octopath Traveler (2018)
It’s a privilege sought by many but achieved by few. To be conferred such a status suggests to all lookers that you are the highest value male in your social group. That brings with it female adoration, several cries of you being a legend, and more than a few free drinks. It does of course saddle you with a large burden of expectation, too much for many men, and one bad performance could see you stripped of your title and rendered just another contender, making up the numbers. I’m talking, of course, about being the linchpin of a night out.
Continue reading “You think you know pressure? Try being the linchpin”
Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars (1996)
I spent my college years wandering about in this kind of cynical trance, like Holden Caulfield. Didn’t really have anywhere to go, anyone to meet, so I just sat about writing and listening to music instead. Even if I’d studied or attended lectures, it’d have hardly made a difference anyway. I went to a ‘prestigious’ university, see. And they can’t fail you.
Maybe if you don’t turn up or if you vomit crayon wax all over the exam paper, you’ll score a big fat zero. But write your exam number down, blindly fill in some of the multi-choice questions, regurgitate parts of your earlier assignments that only barely passed anyway, and you’ve pretty much nailed it. See, if they were to fail you, then you’d go down as a negative statistic, harming the college’s reputation that bit more, domestically as well as internationally. And you know what that means? Lowered funding, something more unspeakable to an educational institution than Voldemort and Macbeth combined.
Continue reading “In his first foray into Maths and Stats, Mario graduates with honours”
Chrono Trigger (1995)
Alright, philistine time: I was never much interested in history. You’re better off making history than studying it, right? It was great when we got around to studying the World Wars in school, though. Men love war, and those two were the best rammies of the lot. Unfortunately the curriculum in Ireland is a bit slow to update, and the history books when I was in school never featured 9/11.
Continue reading “My dear Gaspar, history is for the anoraks”
The World Ends With You (2008)
Have you ever visited the website urbandictionary.com? It’s this fantastic user-generated trove of slang and turns of phrase from regions all over the world. It’s a real eye-opener: I now know that my name means a “huge sarcastic asshole that ends up becoming amazingly sweet”, and that I am in possession of both moobies and a chode. There’s hundreds o’ thousands o’ bits o’ vernacular backchat on there, definitions for just about any colloquialism you’ve ever heard, and racism that I didn’t even know existed.
Continue reading “Donkey punching is tame when it comes to Urban Dictionary”