Category: Mobile

A Classic Irishman takes his time to sus things out right

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Among Us (2018)

I had problems with the Among Us game from the start. It’s a fully online game you see, and you know what that means – rooms upon rooms full of cretins, or children, which are practically the same thing. Have you ever wandered into a classroom and found yourself confronted by a room full of the dumbest looking Patrick Starfishes ever, all gawping back at you? Well, that’s what your typical Among Us room looks like.

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It’s the same old story – when it’s a mobile game, it’s time to run, run, run

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Super Mario Run (2016)

Let it be known – I am all about McDonald’s. Oh sure, if you’re in polite company and you want to appear like you’re not a total oik, then you might feel the social need to write off McDonald’s in public. But you should resist that temptation. McDonald’s is great, and if there’s any Maccy-D’s decrier out there who disagrees with me, then I’d challenge them to join me for a fest of 20 Chicken Nuggets, whether they’re drunk or not, and we’ll see if they still think the company is a wash. Just don’t tell them where the nuggets come from though, if they should ask. Eating chicken meat from the wing, thigh or breast is fine. From the floor or the slopbucket, not so much.

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Mario Kart mobile isn’t quite the self-powered tour de force you might expect

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Mario Kart Tour (2019)

It seems anytime I hear about self-driving, autonomous cars, it’s usually as part of some news story talking about, at worst a fatal crash and at best, a testing boo-boo. They’re even trialling autonomous racing cars – then motor racing really will be solely down to the car. But again you have to laugh because they only get a morning’s worth of testing out of their roboracer before it loses the will to live and begins the afternoon by plunging headfirst into the wall. Sorry, I shouldn’t personify these things by saying “will to live”. That’s a dangerous game, because one minute you’ll have a cute Herbie Tesla, the next it’s mowing down civilians by itself on nightly death runs and pinning the blame on you.

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A wild Ian Beale draws near! Phil Mitchell attacks with the Toilet Flush! Critical Hit!

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dragon quest 7

Dragon Quest VII: Fragments of the Forgotten Past (2001)

And now for something completely different, something that might shock and frighten you: I like to watch soaps. It’s probably unwise of me to jump into soap discussion alongside mature women, but it’s always a good talking point, right? The show just always goes on with soaps, and the lure of watching the mundane on television seems to be incredibly strong for humans – see Big Brother, Jersey Shore, Love Island and their derivatives for other depressing examples.

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Last one to play Minecraft is a square!

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Minecraft (2011) NOTX

Well, I’ve finally done it. It took almost 30 years, and when you multiply that by 365 it equals an awful lot of Mammy dinners, but I’ve finally moved out. I must now survive on my own, do things on my own, and accept the consequences of things I’ve done. These consequences which generally extends to me getting fatter from the snacks I’ve bought all by myself and the portion sizes I give myself. I can’t blame anyone else for anything that goes wrong. Well, strictly speaking that’s not true – it ain’t my fault when the Wi-Fi goes south.

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I’m dreaming of a heroic adventure, just like the ones we used to know…

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dq6

Dragon Quest VI: Realms of Reverie (1995)

I’m just back off a week of annual leave, but I don’t even get to have a pathetic attempt at a tan to brag about, as I was cooped up in rainy Ireland for the week. Both the Irish and Greek governments aren’t entertaining the idea of me travelling on Hellenic booze cruises, and Vegas isn’t exactly enticing right now. Something to do with a virus. Is that nanny state-ism in action or what?

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