The Many Jobs of Mario

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The Many Jobs of Mario (2019)

Now in his thirties, and still exhibiting no signs of a mid-life crisis, it’s not beyond the remit of a talented man like Mario to have had many different job titles and roles behind him. Actually, you’d have to say that some of Mario’s travails throughout his glittering life are so wild and out there, that him entering a go-kart tournament against his eternal enemy Bowser is now entirely normal. A man so travelled and so adept surely can’t escape the romantic attention of the Princess much longer, can he? All the same, given the rate he goes through jobs, you’d think Mario would be able to afford better clothes than his patchy dungarees.

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 9)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 9)

You may already know this, but fairly recently an old prototype of what would go on to be Pokémon Gold/Silver/Crystal was found and shared on the internet for the world’s Pokéanoraks (that’s me and you) to enjoy. In there, you had a whole host of Pokémon designs that never saw the light of day, including pre-evolutions for Meowth, Vulpix, Doduo and more. There was a kind of metal condom Pokémon that was allegedly Ditto’s evolution. And you won’t believe what Porygon2 was slated to look like.

Some of the Pokémon below were present in that beta prototype, with some surreal changes. There was a poison Umbreon, a Girafarig that really did look like CatDog, and Wobbuffet never happened. Can you imagine a reality like that, with no Wobbuffet? That would have solved all of our problems.

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 8)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 8)

As we make more headway through the Gold and Silver part of our irreverent Pokémon review, we finish off some babies, which sadly isn’t as violent as I’ve made it sound; we take a nature-themed turn and see how a cotton plant, a sunflower and a fake tree hold up in battle; and finally, Pokémon gets an honest-to-God green frog as part of its lineup. Which is great and all, but when’s the quokka Pokémon due?

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 7)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 7)

Sometimes I get the feeling that the Marketing and Business Analyst chaps working for Nintendo and Game Freak graduated at the bottom of their class – a real ‘shame brought on the family’ effort. I suppose the zillions of yen acquired by Nintendo sort of makes that a nonsense statement, but they’re certainly prone to some crazy decisions. Still, even the most spoonfed, thicko graduate would have worked out that the Pokémon gravy train was becoming absolutely jammed with passengers.

After 3 mainline games in Red, Blue and Yellow plus spinoffs, a booming Trading Card Game and all kinds of merchandise, fans were still baying for more. Everyone and their grandmother had a Pokémon game (and if your grandmother didn’t, then have words). So what better way to exploit this market than with a whole new ‘Generation’ of Pokémon?

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 6)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 6)

It’s the denouement of the Kanto leg of our quest for a world-beating Pokémon team. And get this – we’re getting so desperate at this stage that we’re looking at reviving fossils and lumping them all together into a Jurassic All-Star team. How desperate is that?! But it’s not all bad news – we’ve got all of the Legendaries of the Kanto region here, waiting for due inspection, and they’re bound to be quite powerful. It’s a bit of a scrub move to seriously use a Legendary in your team though, don’t you think? Well, be that as it may, if you didn’t put Mewtwo at the very top of your lineup back in the day, you were guaranteed trouble. You were just asking to be taken down to the basement, Pulp Fiction style, and left to wait there, bound and gagged, until the gimp came out. Mewtwo was the gimp, and frighteningly good at what he did.

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 9)

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 9)

We’re knee-deep in Smash Bros Ultimate now, and not a Waluigi in sight. Well, he’s still there as an Assist Trophy, ten years on. You can beat up the Assist Trophies in this particular game, and it’s probably a good thing too because some of them are mighty overpowered and downright annoying – just ask anyone who’s gone up against the Sheriff. As for the fighters themselves, Part 9 of our Pub hubbub here sees some of the wildest additions to the series possible, including Ridley finally making his debut. Not forgetting King K. Rool into the bargain as well. But what about the classic farmer from Harvest Moon, Pete. Where’s he?

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 5)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 5)

If you haven’t already put your best six Kanto hardnuts together, a team tough enough to take the region by storm and literally impress the knickers off Lorelei from the Elite Four, then you’re quickly running out of options. The below list of Pokémon awaiting judgment and possible selection for your team takes us through the eons, quite literally in fact. This week’s list features Magikarps, Magmars and mantises. And it’s book-ended by a mime and a… dodecahedron. Only in Pokémon.

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 8)

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 8)

At long last, we’ve gotten to the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate portion of the Pub Fight Tier List. Well, when they said “Everyone is here”, they weren’t jesting. Although perhaps they were, because Waluigi has already become an infamous omission, Bomberman is in merely as an Assist Trophy, Rayman relegated to the life of a Spirit. And there’s still no sign of the dancing shopkeepers from Secret of Mana, unless the DLC brings good news. You have to wonder just what kind of a brain-drain has happened in the Nintendo and Sora Creative Departments.

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 4)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 4)

We’re through the looking-glass now. The original 151 Pokémon are considered iconic, but there’s a few monsters on here that you won’t have remembered until pointed out to you. Seaking, I’m talking about Seaking here. Maybe Seadra too, since it’s been overshadowed by its evolution. You couldn’t move for the Normal, Water and Poison types in Gen 1, you know. But if you wanted a Ghost or a Dragon type? A viable Bug type? A Rock type that could stand up to Water Gun? Stop fooling around. Continue reading “Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 4)”

Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 3)

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Building the Best Pokémon Team (Part 3)

We really ought to be frank here. I’m trying to weigh up all of these Generation 1 options for a Pokémon team, and provide you with six of the best. But two of those slots are always going to be taken up by Mewtwo and Charizard, aren’t they? They automatically rank as the coolest, and you’d risk dreadful social embarrassment if you left these two out. The other starters and the legendary birds will probably get first refusal after these guys as well. And rounding it off is Mew if you’ve got a bit of flair, Snorlax if you don’t, and Gengar is there to fill in any remaining gaps. Stacked up against all of these odds, an overlarge seal and a bunch of magnets aren’t really going to register, are they?

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