I could have been an ace pilot if only my yoke pointed the right way

star-fox-zeroStar Fox Zero (2016)

Time for you to hear about yet another one of my amazing feats: yes, I am a bona fide aviator. I don’t mean I talk about tangos and foxtrots (outside of the local dance hall) and I don’t wear the silly goggles and all that, but I have flown an actual plane. That is, I had the proper pilot next to me, telling me absolutely what not to do and occasionally helping me furiously wipe the carpet of sweat off my brow, but I did assume control of the thing for a whole thirty seconds. And I was cacking it for every one of those thirty seconds.

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 4)

Our latest instalment in the now legendary Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List series brings us through to the newcomers from Smash Bros Brawl. The Wii title stands as the only game I’ve ever expressly imported to get it early, in this case from the US and with a nifty little absolutely-not-illegal device called the Freeloader disc. And to make me feel nice and old, Brawl released in the US just a little more than 10 years ago at the time of this piece being published. Makes me want to start a ridiculously contrived fight… Do enjoy!

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If you’re looking to avoid a procession, don’t try F1 – try F-Zero

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F-Zero (1992)

We Formula One high rollers currently find ourselves at that awkward period between pre-season testing and the first race in Melbourne, when the 2018 F1 season kicks off and a load of lads chase after Lewis Hamilton until someone finally wakes up, waves a chequered flag and everyone gets to down tools and enjoy champagne – a bit like my evenings after I finish an article really.

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On the seventh day, God rested. While He wasn’t looking, Codemasters nipped in

MMWT

Micro Machines: World Series (2017)

In the beginning, Sega created Outrun, Rareware created RC Pro AM and Square created Rad Racer, and God said, Let there be racing: and there was racing. And these games were renowned for their time but were fraught with limitation, and the video game players of the Earth did cry out for a new racing game that could be played in multiplayer and that was madcap and accessible to all.

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 3)

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Super Smash Bros Pub Fight Tier List (Part 3)

Apropos of absolutely nothing and demanded by nobody in particular, it’s the next eight entries in our Pub Fight Tier List, featuring more mice, more cats and more bishonen, whatever they are. There’s a few human beings in there as well, although when they have green skin or openly turn into male ninjas, you’re still going to get looks off the circling nutjobs…

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If I was a spacefaring fighter pilot, I’d make sure my call sign was Silver Fox

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Starwing (1993)

A whore for graphics I am not. Do I really look like I’d be someone who expressly looks for looks? Well, it’s true that I do have more than a little bit of vanity, but when you’ve got a face like a truck, you need to make sure that you’re not left exposed to cruel laughter. In any case, if I cared that much about appearance, surely I’d dye the grey out of my hair?

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